Learning to Celebrate Autism

My blog description says that I have a dab of Autism thrown in but lately I haven't been speaking the language of Autism lately.  

I think I've been hiding from Autism. 

Is that even possible? 

Not so much. 

Well I've been trying to.  I don't think it's been going very well but, oh well, I'm a gal who likes to try new things. 

For those of you who are new here, our son, Cal, is seven and was diagnosed with Autism when he was four-ish.  So we've been figuring it out for a little while.  We've been through a myriad of therapies and counseling and services and oils and supplements and anything and everything (it's felt like ) that we could get our hands on. 

When he was very first diagnosed we took him off gluten and anything else we thought that might help.

But nothing happened. 

So we resumed life and tried to figure out our life with our shiny new diagnosis.

Then this past year everyone kept saying "you really should take him off gluten", "you should really try gluten free" and I thought thanks you hippies but we've been there, done that and nothing happened.  It did seem to keep coming up though so we figured we'd give it a whirl maybe someday a long, long way down the road. 

But towards the end of the summer I was at my wit's end with the kid.  He was hitting and destructive and there seemed to be no end in sight.   He was like a human tornado. 

So one month I was out monthly shopping and I saw these great Bob's Red Mill mixes on sale.  And before I knew it I had sixteen gluten free mixes in my cart and I had sent a text message to Nick saying "we've gone gluten free. Deal." You can tell we're really in love,right?

And guess what?  The gluten free diet is working!  Working, I tell ya, working! I'm so thrilled to tell you all about that sometime but seeing as my vast knowledge basically spans me telling you it works and I'm happy...that's about it. 

I can tell you that is has helped him to be so much more vocal and to show us his emotions. When before he felt excluded by neighbor friends he would punch or kick or throw something.  Now he comes in with big crocodile tears to throw himself in my arms and talk incoherently about it until I can calm him down and work through what he could do in the situation. 

For those of you who are Mommas or more specifically, autism Mommas, I know you are smiling and nodding with me because as much as we never want our kiddos to be sad, you know that that is indeed a very, very good thing. 

Anyway, Monday we were at therapy; which even that I've been in denial about.  Cal goes to therapy but we don't really NEED to go, just finishing up probably...

That is until the occupational therapist gave me his evaluation of how he's doing. 

And reality gets to smack me in the face all over again with the clear message of "HELLO!  Your son has Autism!" I had clearly forgotten...almost. 

Sometimes you can run but you just can't hide. 

The fact is my son has autism and try as I would like to think he doesn't, he does.  Me burying my head in the sand doesn't seem to take that away.  Weird that doesn't work, right?

Sometimes it's really hard.  I am part of the strongest group of moms ever that I had always hoped I would never, ever would have to be a part of.  And yet I am learning after I get my head out of the sand to hold it high because, by golly, we are making it.  We are figuring this out.  

The broken windows. 

And the broken Nintendo 3DS. 

And the armrest that was bit through. 

All totally workable. 

And the evaluation that normally would have me locked in my house crying my eyes out?  Well I actually looked at the dern thing and believe it or not, we're at least making progress.  And that seems to be something to celebrate. 

Celebrate. What a word. 

Yes, I celebrate my son's autism. 

I celebrate that being gluten free is working, that he is talking and communicating more and we are able to help him in this small, super expensive way. 

I celebrate that I get to be his mom and he let's me snuggle.  Even if I have a three kiss rule to follow that he strictly enforces. 

And I will keep celebrating because there is so much to celebrate.  And there will continue to be.

Always.