Absent

I haven't been around in the webosphere lately.

My father passed away.

We had a complicated relationship where I cherish moments like digging through muck and mire to find gold. Some day maybe I can put adequate words to it but for now know its hard.

Grief is a hard and difficult thing to succinct to words. Something that makes you breathe hard in some moments and hold your breath in others.

Big life moments also add the big picture aspect to my life. I find myself wondering what even is the point of posting on social media? Why even write on this blog? Is this even helping? Is anyone even listening?

So day by day is step by step. Today I got ground beef out for dinner. That was a giant leap for me. However now it is 5 pm and I think we're all realizing to the chagrin of our growling tummies that I did not, in fact, get it out of the deep freeze in enough time to be anything for dinner other than a doorstop.

But its the small steps back to normalacy that help you feel alive. That remind you of no matter what goes on, laundry still stinks if its left in the wash, babies still need fed, and over time hearts will indeed heal. We see the majesty through the mess and trust in the process of working towards being better in time.

I try to point all of my writing to the point of motherhood and the beauty in the mess of everyday life that motherhood drops off at your door. Sometimes the beauty is easy to find. Othertimes it is a hide and seek game through a mud pit on a rainy day.

Either way we can trust in the process of finding it and trust that it is there to be found.

All my love for now friends. Thank you for your support.