Cutting Myself Some Slack
I've gotta tell ya, if you haven't figured it out yet...
being a mom is some stinking hard work.
This weekend Nick worked and Cal was sick with a tummy bug. Also some genius was burning leaves in our city ,you know,the one that forbids leaf-burning. Which let me tell you that sends Cal into the worst asthma attacks and sends me into one of those Mama wolf attack modes where I want to claw someone's eyes out or punch someone in the face. Anywho...
Yeah-rah. Cleaning up puke, trying to keep the kids awy from each other so they don't make each other sick. All the while feeling sick yourself and just yearning to do something fun like, go to a farmer's market. Or the mall. Something outside of the house.
A lot of people could have lost it, but due to my recent change of perspective, I was able to take it all in stride.
All mom's have hard days. Some days there is too much going on to do anything you really want to do. Some days it's too hard to do things you maybe don't even want to do...like workout or vacuum or workout while vacuuming.
I thought this the other day when I was trying to figure out how in the world I would ever be able to work out on our schedule and the sun going down so early. Last week I went running and was all gung-ho. Truth be told I had a great run. But I ran too far from home and by the time I realized I was too far away from home, it was too dark. I was so scared I called Nick and made him pick me up...yes I am a loser, I know. I should also note that we live downtown and there are some pretty sketchy neighborhoods. I am not a total wuss but having to deal with gangs or something in an area I am unfamiliar with isn't my idea of a good time. I like to run, not run for my life :)
Anyway, while pondering when on earth I was going to every be able to work out, I jokingly thought if these kids were in school, I'd be able to work out whenever I wanted. I could work out all day if my little heart felt like it. Which it wouldn't, but it would be a possibility you know :)
And I have no idea why I've never thought of it before, but suddenly I was realizing all of the cool stuff I would be able to do if the kiddos were away during the day. The short list is...
I could make some wicked cool crafts
volunteer
drink wine at lunch (just kidding. kind of )
Workout (as previously stated, duh!)
I could clean house
This blog wouldn't go weeks on end without me touching it
I would be so much prettier...I don't have specifics, I just know :)
The entire house would be organized. And not just tidy organized. I'm talking Container Store organized.
I would have time to not just clean house, but have a really, really clean house. Those things are two entirely different things, you know?
I would be on a first name basis with my hair stylist...you know, the one I haven't seen in almost a year!
I would have time for more self awareness, devotions, yoga, and stress relief.
I don't know what kind of ninja-dummy I am, but none of this has ever dawned on me. And I guess the truth is that Mommy's never have enough time to get stuff done. Even with kids at day care or in school or something that gives them more time. We just never seem to have enough time to get things done.
And we really need to cut ourselves some slack about it. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're all free and easy with the slack cutting, but I am pretty hard core on myself and have realized lately that I need to cool it with the always being on my back about things.
Life if short and we need to enjoy it as mother's. Not constantly beguiling ourselves with guilt and pity, but with grace and forgiveness. Because in the end how we treat ourselves is how our children will learn to treat themselves. I know I want Emma and Calvin to grow up learning to forgive themselves for their shortcomings rather than beat themselves up constantly like their ol' mom did.
And in the end I think it will be best for everyone if w are all happier and calmer.