The Real Me

So it occurred to me the other day that Nick and I will be married five years come this August. I know, I know, big deal. But in relation to that I was realizing that I have had in-laws for five years and I don’t know if they really know the real me. The real me…who is the REAL me? I don’t know if I even know, it’s defined by so many things. But I know I am silly and sarcastic and have an opinion on everything and everybody. And I don’t know if they know that real me. I don’t know, maybe I should ask them but it is a funny thing to go and ask someone to their face if they know you or not when you have known that person for 8 years. That’s right…I have known these people for 8 years including Nicholas’ and my courtship. I love that we had a courtship…how romantic! And some things are there all the time and you just realize them all of a sudden as though they are new concepts. I realized just the other day that my brother in law, Marc-y and I have never been together for longer than a couple of hours at a time. And how do you get to know someone when you are never with them? I wish we lived in the same town because I think we would be really close…I could slap him upside the head and tell him to stop being crazy and he could glare at me when I am being weird. And come to think of it, the Bean and I have never lived in the same city either. If we did I imagine I would be calling her every five minutes to meet for Target runs and we would be ladies who lunch in big floppy hats. But alas we do not live together and reality sets in that we are all our own people and I cannot drag these people back to ________ (ha! You thought I was going to tell you where I live!) to live here in a little cottage next to mine…Sigh, why can’t we all just be Smurfs? But the point being that I wish I were closer to my in-laws. I wish I could call Marc-y on a weekly basis and tell him how much I love him and I am thinking of him and praying for him all of the jolly old day. I wish I could call Bean more and chat. But alas my self-conscience self sets in and I feel young and awkward. I wish I could express in words, somehow, in someway, how much my mother and father in law mean to me; That they are like parents to me, not just in laws and that I will be forever indebted to them for allowing me such a fabulous life with their son and for being the best grandparents I could have wished for for my children. I wish I could look them in the eye and say that but I can’t…I am shy and embarrassed and feel my opinion doesn’t matter…so I write. Maybe one will read it and call the next to tell them to read and then they will all have read it and it will be our little secret that they know, in a small way, the real Lindsay.