Well it is here.
We are back to where we started from and yet somehow wondering how we got here.
A while back I wrote about how great things were going. How well we were doing with Cal’s behaviors and how it was all sunshine and puppy dogs.
Well throw that out the window because those days are over.
To put it mildly things have been horrendous. Please let me state that life with autism has been horrendous. As hard as it is to understand the differentiation that does not mean that Calvin is horrendous. Our Calvin is great.
I always wonder and contemplate if things truly are worse than I remember them being before or, if it is because we had the good time and so now comparing the good times to the now not so good times exasperates the bad to make it seem magnified in its badness.
Does any of this even make sense to you?
I don’t like to say Cal is bad. Because he isn’t. I mean, the kids no Charlie Sheen or anyrhing. But… Ornery, perturbing, and not meaning to be rude are also words we can say.
There’s this small part of me that thinks that maybe this is just adolescence but if it is then I want my money back because this is a horrible show.
There are so many extremes in life where I am thinking “life is such a gift” and then other times where I’m on here saying “life’s a crap shoot, here ya go. It stinks right now. Bye”.
I am sure you all love the inconsistency of our life here.
But that is the reality of life, isn’t it? And here’s to truthful.
I have found in this autism journey that it sucks being a parent on this journey.
Can we all stop the platitudes about how life is so wonderful and honestly talk about how hurt my feelings are 1000 times a day by a little boy who sometimes is just a prick and doesn’t seem to care.
Can we all talk about how the moms and dads need some support and understanding
And for God’s sake if I hear one more person ask me if I’m sure, like really sure, that Cal is autistic I am going to scream.
Yes, we’re sure but thanks I guess for thinking I’m out of my mind.
In case you’ve wondered that other shoe I was waiting for to drop when everything was blissfully peaceful, has now dropped. And here we are. Again trying to figure out new medicines to make the lows a little more not so low and the behaviors something we can manage and parent through rather than a trauma situation over the wrong olive placement at the pizza place.
Who even eats olives on pizza.